I’d tap Snow’s head and reply, “Good job, partner.”
Even when she got older — too cool, too tall, rolling her eyes — she still packed him for me. Called it dumb. But she never forgot.
Her mom, Sarah, hated the bear riding shotgun. Said it made me look childish. Like I needed a mascot to be a parent.
Truth was, I needed anything that felt like home.
Sarah and I didn’t explode. We wore thin.
I was gone. She was exhausted. Our conversations turned into logistics and invoices. By the time Emily was twelve, the divorce papers were signed.
But Emily never stopped handing me Snow before every trip. Quietly. Like a treaty between two houses.
Then cancer arrived the year she turned thirteen.
It started with bruises that didn’t make sense. Then fatigue. Then hospital ceilings and IV poles. Emily named hers “R2-Drip2.”
She hated pity. Cracked jokes at nurses. Made us all laugh when we didn’t want to.
One night, under buzzing hallway lights, she squeezed my hand and said, “Promise you’ll keep driving.”
I tried to argue. She stared me down.
“Promise, Dad.”
So I promised.
Two weeks later, she was gone.
And that promise felt like it was welded to my ribs.
After the funeral, I did something I’m ashamed of. I started stuffing her things into black trash bags.
Clothes. Drawings. Glitter pens.
Sarah walked in and saw them by the door. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Surviving,” I snapped.
She looked at me like I’d just set fire to the house. “You’re throwing her away.”
We yelled. She left. We didn’t speak again except for paperwork.
The only thing I couldn’t throw out was Snow.
Maybe because he didn’t smell like her.
Snow went back into the truck. Buckled in.
Years blurred into highways and motel curtains. I told people I was fine. I could still laugh. That was enough for them.
Last week, packing for a Colorado run, I panicked because the passenger seat was empty.
I found Snow buried in my closet behind blankets. Like I’d misplaced my grief.
When I lifted him, I heard it.
A small, brittle crack.
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