I stood on that porch, still wearing the glow of my daughters’ graduation, when a stranger spoke my ex-husband’s name and handed me a folder. Eighteen years after he abandoned us at the hospital, I learned the worst day of my life had not been what I thought.
My husband left the day our surrogate gave birth to our twin daughters, and for eighteen years, I believed it was because he didn’t want us.
Eighteen years later, the morning after their graduation, a stranger stood on my porch and asked, “So you really don’t know what he did for you?”
That was the second time Sam made my knees go weak.
***
The first was in a hospital hallway that smelled like bleach and burnt coffee.
Riley had been in labor for hours. By the time Lily and Nora arrived, I was so overwhelmed I cried the second the nurse laid them in my arms.
My husband left the day our surrogate gave birth.
“Two girls,” I whispered. “Two healthy, loved baby girls.”
Riley smiled weakly. “I told you I’d get them here safely.”
“You are never paying for coffee again, Riley,” I said, laughing through tears.
Then I looked for my husband, Sam.
He was standing near the window with a folder in his hands, pale as paper, like he’d just read something that hollowed him out.
“Sam?” I said. “Come here.”
“Two healthy, loved baby girls.”
He came over slowly. He looked at Lily, then Nora, then at me.
“Why are you looking at them like that?” I asked.
He swallowed. “I need a minute, Erica.”
“A minute for what?”
He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “I just need to think.”
Riley glanced at us. I forced a smile for her sake.
He came over slowly.
“Go get some water,” I told him. “This is it. Our babies are here… our lives start now.”
He almost smiled.
Instead, he kissed my hand and said, “Stay with the girls.”
I frowned. “What does that mean?”
But then a nurse came in to check on Riley.
“Go get something to eat while they’re asleep, Eri. I promise, I’ll be right here until you get back.”
Sam looked down at the folder again.
“Stay with the girls.”
“Okay,” I finally said. “I won’t be long. I’ll grab us some food and be right back. Text me if you need me.”
***
I came back with a paper bag full of food.
But Sam was gone.
At first, I thought maybe he’d gone to the bathroom, the parking lot, or outside to call his mother.
Gia had a gift for turning every life event into a business meeting.
I checked the hallway again.
No Sam.
But Sam was gone.
Inside, it was just my daughters, Riley, and a folded note with my name on it.
I opened it.
***
“I’m sorry, Erica.
I can’t do this. I can’t do babies. I know we wanted them so badly, but I think I was caught up in your excitement, not mine.
I can’t do this life.
Don’t come looking for me.
You and the girls will be better off without me.
— Sam.”
“I can’t do this life.”
I read it twice.
“Erica?” Riley asked. “Are you okay?”
I looked at her. “Where’s Sam?”
She shifted in bed. “A nurse came for him after you left. She said there was paperwork at the front desk.”
I stared. “Did he say anything?”
Riley shook her head. “Not to me. But he kissed the girls on their foreheads. His gaze lingered.” Riley swallowed. “I asked if he wanted me to call you. He said no. He said to let you eat first.”
“Did he say anything?”
I handed her the note.
And then I was already dialing. Sam’s phone went to voicemail again and again.
Then I called Gia.
She answered on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Where is he?”
There was a pause. “Who, Erica?”
“Your son left me in a hospital room with two newborns and a note. Where is he?”
“Where is he?”
Her voice went cool. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You should try sounding surprised.”
“Erica…”
“If you know where he is, tell him this: he doesn’t get to vanish and call it a good decision for me and my girls.”
I hung up before she could answer.
I cried once that day in a maternity bathroom.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
When I came back, Riley held a whimpering Lily.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“Me too,” I said.
Then I washed my face, stacked the discharge papers, and went back to my girls.
It was either that or scream.
Riley held a whimpering Lily.
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